very ironic.. for me to say that im afraid..

afraid of seeing him again.. what he has become now...

the same old face.. old smile.. old choices of words.. old point of view...

but entirely different person...

its sad that i dont know that person anymore...

reminiscing how we'd argue about silly things... and about my bad habits.. (as if he has none)

its sad that everytime i see him... a changed man..

i think of the fun times we shared..

my thoughts are all about him...

and how... the hell... why did we end up this way?...

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i went to this event, hoping to have fun..

sure i did.. but a few minutes after i had five drinks i went outside to check on my friends...

and there he was... standing there beside the wall.. and his friends were staring at me by the stairs...

its been a while since ive last seen him.. and the feeling of seeing him was not that of which i had expected.

in a way i was flattered because he smiled and said hi... but a part of me wants to shout at him...

why can't he just get out of life..

just when i decided that i'll give others a chance.. and give myself a chance too..

i was frustrated the whole night just trying to be close to him..

i was again being childish.. my bestfriend had told me...

but i cant do anything about it..

i don't know how to act around him..

even the thought of his presence bothers me..

when i finally had the chance to talk to him... the moment ive been desparately wanting to have that night...

tugsh...

me: "kayo na ba nung girl sa manila?"

him: "yup.. uuwi na nga ako sa monday.."

me (trying to sound okie): "ay sayang naman.. lets have coffee before you go"

him: "next time nalang"

it was devastating..

and im not over acting..

if you know him... or know me... you'll know why...

i still cant get over it..

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